Letters
by Lightningtiger2
Summary: Grant Ward is gone,executed by his brother for his affiliation with hydra and his past crimes, now all that remains are letters...'
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer I do not own M.a.o.s

AN this idea came to me a few nights ago and would not leave me alone, anyways be prepared for sad chapters in the future(you have been warned...) obviously an AU. Please read and review.

Letters

Chapter 1

He was gone, Grant Ward was gone, he had been executed by his brother Senator Christian Ward for his affiliation with Hydra and the people he had killed. , and now only one thing remained of him...

Dr. Collins entered the large helicarrier that had become known as the "Bus". She pulled her coat up closer around her, it was wintertime and a chill hung in the air. She entered the main room to see a group of six people sitting in the lounge. One of the men, a man Dr. Collins knew all to well stood up.

"Dr. Collins." He said. "What brings you here?"

"Good Morning, Phil, I'm actually looking for someone called Skye."

"Why are you looking for me?" A young women said as she stood up from the coach.

"I have something for you." Doctor Collins reached into her bag and pulled out a large stack of letters. The one on top was addressed to Skye.

"Are these from..."

"Yes" "they are all that's left" she handed the stack to Skye.

Skye took the letters and then proceeded, her room, where she shut the door behind her. Taking the first letter off the top she carefully opened it and began reading...

_Dear Skye,_

_My psychologist, says I should write these "letters" to help me cope with all I have been through, while i am in prison. She tells me it's so I can let go, so I can move on, but I think it's her secret way of making me write a journal/diary. She says sometimes it's easier to pretend your writing to someone you care about, then to write to yourself, even if that person you "write to" never sees it. She tells me I should write as often as possible,even if it only a few words. I'm not sure what I think of Doctor Collins, After all I have never been much of a social person. I guess that's all I have to say for now._

_Ward._


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer I do not own M.a.o.s

AN I am so happy with the response this fic is getting, thanks to all who have followed, favorited and reviewed. So some of the chapters will consist of one long letter and others will be multiple short letters... Please continue to read and review.

Chapter 2

_Dear Skye, _

_Today was... Today was difficult. The day started off horribly due to last nights nightmares. I have had so many I have long since lost count. Sometimes they are of my brother, drowning in the well once again, others consist of Fitzsimmons not surviving the fall into the ocean, some are of Garret killing Coulson, but most often they are about you. You dying in the basement after that bastard Ian Quinn shot you, Garret ordering Deathlock to kill you, Garret ordering me to kill you. They are almost always about losing you. One of the reoccurring ones is me racing after your retreating figure calling out your name, sometimes I never catch up to you others times I do, and when I do all I see is your tear-stained face and the word "traitor" passes your lips. I had thought the dreams would go away with the therapy treatment I am receiving and for awhile they did, but they came back, Dr. Collins said that is normal, that no matter how much treatment I recieve the nightmares will continue to happen, even years down the road when I think they have ended. She tells me everyone has nightmares, but this doesn't Offer much comfort. I'm getting off topic though, after waking up today I was brought to the very room I fear the most the room where they torture me for intel. I hate it. It only brings back memories of Christian's constant beatings when I was a child, of Garrets beatings when I was a young man. I know the intel I provide helps you and the team, and I guess that's the one good thing that comes from this, but I don't know how much more I can take, I know I deserve it for what I have done to the team, but I still... After the torment they threw me back in my cell, and provide me food, if you could even call it that. Not even Fitz would eat the slop they give you here. (I still feel bad about throwing out fitz's sandwich on that mission we went on together, I know how much he loves food, especially if it's made by his beloved Simmions.) after lunch I am stuck in my room till they have need of me. It's mainly chores, doing laundry, cleaning the bathrooms, mundane things like that. While they are mundane, I do not mind them so much, they offer some sort of order, they are simple tasks that allow me to take my mind off of things for a bit... After chores it's time for dinner and finally bed on the world's most uncomfortable cot imaginable and then things repeat themselves over the next day. A seemingly never ending cycle, the sessions with Dr. collins help, but only a little. I hate it here, perhaps what I hate the most about this place is something that surprises me, there are no windows here. I never realized how much I would miss looking outside, it was something I payed no attention to before, but now when I can't look outside, I realize how much I miss it. Oh what I would give to look out a window and see that beautiful sapphire sky, those fluffy white clouds, the warm bright sun, but then again maybe it's better that way after all the sky reminds me of you, and memories of you are to painful think about._

_Ward _


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer I don't own M.a.o.s

AN Hello everyone heres another chapter. To Brendah who asked, the story will have an Skye's reaction chapter... Eventually, "Patience, my love patience." Thanks to all who have favorited, followed and reviewed so far and. Please continue to read and review.

Chapter 3

_Dear Skye, _

_ I'm beginning to like doctor Collins, she talks to me like I am a real person, I thought she would hate me after I told her the things I have done but she told me she felt sorry for me. She says what I did was wrong, but I have also had a lot of suffering in my life and so she feels bad for what I had to suffer through. What I like most about doctor Collins is that she doesn't push. If I don't want to talk about something she doesn't try to push me or force me to talk about it. She says it's important that I feel comfortable in her presence, so sometimes we simply talk about things like the weather. Other times we talk about all the things that are troubling me. She tells me I am making progress, and she always gives me a smile before she leaves._

_Ward_

_Dear Skye, _

_As much as I am begging to enjoy my sessions with Doctor Collins, I'm still struggling to be happy. I miss you, I miss the team. I miss playing Battleship and scrabble. I miss hearing the science talk of Fitzsimmons even though I could never understand half of it. I miss Coulson "geeking out" over a new collection of vintage Captain America cards. I miss May's calm and casual demeanor as she flies the plane. I miss yours (and Fitz's)enthusiasm for junk food, I miss that sparkle in you eye. I miss your smile..._

_Ward_

_Dear Skye,_

_I am beginning to feel like Noah from the from "The Notebook." I know what your thinking, I don't look like the type of guy to go for those sappy romance movies. Usually I'm not, but I have seen "The Notebook"(let's just say I lost a bet one time.) Writing a letter everyday, I can't help but feel like him. I guess that makes you my Allie, by the way I think your Much prettier then Rachel Mcadams._

_Ward_

_Dear Skye, _

_Dr. Collins tells me she won't be here for the next two weeks, she's taking a vacation with her family. I hope she'll come back and help me, I hope she doesn't abandon me..._

_Ward_

_Dear Skye,_

_Things are hard without Dr. Collins, the guards are giving me an extra hard time, the nightmares are back and they are worse then ever, all this alone time only reminds me of all the horrible things I have done_

_Ward_

_Dear Skye_

_I know you hate me, sometimes(okay all the time) I hate me too._

_Ward_


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer I do not own M.a.o.s

Chapter 4

_Dear Skye_

_Things have continued to get worse during Dr. Collins absence. The guards often beat me till I'm unconscious, I always answer their questions about any hydra intel they want, but they don't care they say I deserve this kind of treatment, that people like me deserve to be tortured and rot in hell. Sometimes they beat me with out reason, they beat me outside of integrations, they say it's so I learn my place, but I know they do it for their own enjoyment. I think they even take bets as to who can make me break the quickest. And I just stand by and take it in stride. They can't break me, I am already broken. I have been "broken" most of my life. I thought Garret was my chance to fix myself, but I was wrong, I was oh so very wrong. He just came along and picked up the pieces, and broke them even more. He twisted and manipulated them in to his "perfect solider." He knew I was broken and he took advantage of it. If only I had realized earlier what he had been doing. I had always looked up to him as a father-figure, I thought he cared about me, but he was just using me he only ever cared about himself. If only I had realized this, I could have escaped the hell he dragged me into. If only I hadn't been so blind, If only I hadn't been so scared. When i realized that I was starting to care for the team, I should have told Coulson the truth about Hyrda and Garret, but I was weak, like I always am. Oh, how I wish things could have turned out differently..._

_Ward_

_Dear Skye_

_It's so cold here, and so dark. I use to think it silly to be afraid of the dark, but now I am. I don't just mean the physical darkness, I also mean the darkness that surrounds me, the darkness that has been around me my whole life. Every Time I try to escape it just catches me in it clutches once more, like some kind of sick game of "cat and mouse" I fear I won't survive it much longer. I no longer have "my light", I no longer have you ..._

_Ward_

_Dear Skye,_

_She's back, Dr. Collins is finally back, and she's not happy with the way the guards have been treating me..._

_Ward _


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer I do not own M.a.o.s

AN this chapter was written at the request of druss deathwalker and guest(you know who you are) thanks for the suggestions and as always please read and review

Chapter 5

_Dear Skye,_

_ Today I talked to Dr. Collins about Garret, it wasn't easy. She could see me struggling with the subject so she suggested I write a "letter" instead, kind of like when you write an angry letter to your boss that you never intend to actually send, you just write it to vent your feelings. I am going to tell you something I have never told anyone, It's not even in my shield file... According to that file I met Garret when I was 21 and training at Shield academy, but the truth is I met him many years before that..._

_I met him when I was only fifteen, I was in prison, I ran away from military school, stole a car and tried to burn down my parents house, what I had failed to realize was that my brother Christian was still inside... I then found my self sitting in jail when Garret approached me he informed me my parents were pressing charges against me and that Christian wanted me tried as an adult... He told me I could "spend the rest of my life in jail blaming mommy and daddy for all my problems..." Or that I could go with him, he told me he was a part of a secret organization(though he didn't tell me it was Hydra at the time) an organization that looked to recruit people like me... He told me it wouldn't be easy but it would be fun... He gave me ten seconds to decide... I was hesitant, but he told me to say yes, and I did... If only I hadn't been so foolish..._

_Not long after that he abandoned me in the woods, he told me to try and survive... All he left me with was a gun to be used for hunting purposes and my dog Buddy... You would have loved Buddy he was an adorable chocolate lab, with the sweetest brown eyes(well next to yours of course...) he was the first friend I ever had, the only friend I have ever had... Garret left me in the woods for six months... Six straight months without checking in once... All I had was the ever faithful buddy. I would often find my self going to bed hungry at night, especially in the winter when there was little game to be found.. I resorted to raiding cabins in the woods, but I always felt guilty about it, felt bad I was taking someone else food... What was almost worst then the hunger was the cold... Once again winter was the worst with heavy rainstorms and snow. I surely would have died if it hadn't been for Buddy, he didn't provide much warmth, but it was enough to keep me alive... After six months garret returned, telling me my training was only just begging... He left me in the woods for five more years, once again telling me to survive.. i learned to adapt and thrive of course with Buddy at my side... We had so many rough patches, so many times when I thought we would would show up occasionally to "train me" It was mainly learning to dodge bullets and various other things... If I ever did something unsatisfactory Garret would beat me... Finally after five years he told me I was ready to join shield academy I just had to do one more thing... "Take care of Buddy..." He asked me if it was a weakness and I told him it wasn't, he left so I could finish the job..., but I couldn't do it Buddy was my friend my loyal companion, he had stayed with me all these years... I shot my gun into the air and Buddy went running off (only later did I learn that Garret shot him... To teach me a lesson.) after that I went to the academy..._

_Dr. Collins was right this did help, and now you know the real story of how I met garret_

_Ward_


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer I do not own M.a.o.s

AN I know its a little late for this but, in honor of thanksgiving I Am truly thankful to all who have reviewed, followed, favorited or even just read this story(and my other ones as well...) you guys are great... Anyways with the approaching holidays I may not be updating as much (christmas is kind of a big deal in my family) although I may just write a Christmas fic, but we shall see if time is on my side, just thought i would let you know and as always please read and review... Oh and the "academy letter" was once again suggested by druss deathwalker, feel free to send me any ideas/ suggestions you have for a letter/ letters (via pm or comments)

_Dear Skye,_

_Have you ever noticed how calming the rain is? I heard it last night as I fell asleep. It had an almost lulling sense to it. The rain splashing against the roof and sides of the building like a soft song sung to a child. It helped to comfort me as I drifted into sleep last night, where for the first time in months I had no nightmares..._

_Ward_

_Dear Skye,_

_Dr. Collins has requested that the beatings they give me stop or at least are reduced and only used when absolutely necessary. I asked her why she would do this, I told her I deserved the beatings for all I had done. She was shocked when I told her this... She told me that someone who has been abused their whole life should not continue to suffer abuse , especially if they are trying to recover and become a different person, she says it is morally wrong, that I have suffered enough... I guess she holds some sort of power over them as the beatings have become less and less. They haven't stopped all together like she wanted, but at least they are not as out of hand as they were when she was on vacation._

_Ward_

_Dear Skye,_

_Dr. Collins has suggested that I also write about my time at the academy, seeing as writing about my meeting with Garret and my time spent in the woods went so well...(so I said what the hell, might as well do it, its not like these letters will be read anyway, they are just a coping mechanism...)_

_ I entered the academy when I was twenty-one, not much longer after my survival training in the woods. I mostly kept to myself in the beginning, due to the years of isolation in the woods paired with the fact that I had an abusive family, I was use to being by myself, use to shutting people out... I got by fine this way I stayed clear of people and they stayed clear of me and I liked it that way... (Only now do I realize how lonely that life was...) when Garret learned I was distancing myself from people, he wasn't happy... After a rough beating he told me to start interacting with people, just enough for them to trust me after all if I ever needed to be his little spy in the future I would need to be convincing... He warned me though that while I should gain peoples trust and get them to notice me, I Should under no circumstances get attached to anyone, after all attachments were weaknesses.. So I did what he asked over came my social anxiety, interacted with people, made sure I did well in my classes, that I got top marks, so my teachers and peers would notice me... Pretty soon I had a reputation I was considered a "golden boy" a man who's skills were only second to Romanoffs... I became considered to be a "popular kid" though I never really had any friends despite my popularity...(after all attachments are weakness) just put on a mask everyday until graduation it was easier that way, easier not to let people in to know the real me... And so I graduated, top in my class..._

_Ward_


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer I do not own M.a.o.s

AN so I was thinking about making this ten or eleven chapters, feel free to send me any ideas or suggestions for letters and as always please read and review.

_Dear Skye,_

_Everyday gets colder here, I assume that is because winter is approaching, the building isn't very warm, the guards say warmth is a luxury that people like us don't deserve. I'm used to the cold though after all those years I spent in the woods with buddy, Buddy what I wouldn't give to have him here right now, my one and only friend... _

_Ward_

_Dear Skye, _

_Not much has been going on here, I have just fallen into a routine, wake up, breakfast, integrations,chores, lunch, interrogations, chores, dinner bed, nightmares... Repeat. I'm begging to feel like a robot. Robot, I never thought I would miss that nickname, but I do. In fact I miss all the nicknames you use to give me. I never really appreciated them, in fact in the beginning I hated them, well I guess it's that old saying you don't realize what you have till you lose it... The only break from the cycle is when I meet with Doctor Collins once a week, but I am beginning to dread what lies ahead in our future sessions . Don't get me wrong they have helped out so much more then I imagined, but I know it's only a matter of time before she asks about the team, ... before she asks about you... I don't think I'm ready to do that, she always promises never to push me, that I can talk when I am ready, but I know no matter how long I push it off , I will eventually have to talk about it..._

_Robot_

_Dear Skye,_

_The nightmares continue to get worse, I thought over time with the help of doctor Collins they would at least be reduced, but they have gotten so much worse... I had one just the other night , it was about my brother Thomas at the well and how Christian wouldn't let me save him. I sat there frozen and watched him drown, as he desperately called out my name. This nightmare isn't exactly new, It's just one I haven't had in a while. Not since the berserker staff incident, not since that night in Dublin, oh how I regret choosing May that night, I thought that with her the nightmares would stay at bay, but I was wrong they came anyway. Perhaps if I had chosen you that night instead of her, the nightmares would have stayed away, in fact I know they would have... another nightmare I recently had was of you... You were captured by Hydra and tortured... Tortured in every way possible beat, cut, burned, kicked, punched, and I stood on the sidelines once again unable to move or do anything watching as they bled the life out of you,watching as they carved up your beautiful face, your gorgeous body, watching as they killed you ruthlessly, mirthlessly, and not being able to do one thin about it. It took me a while to recover from that one, finally I had a dream about, about my own execution... Only it was as if I was in the olden times as my execution took place at the gallows... It was my brother Christian who put the rope around my neck and I as I looked out one final time my eyes focused on one face in the audience yours... then Christian pulled the lever... this dream also took me awhile to get over... i fear what nightmares lie in wait with their vicious claws in the future..._

_Ward._


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer I do not own M.a.o.s

AN trying to get this done before the holidays really hit home, I just have one more week of college(finals are approaching quickly) and then I am done for winter break, bit as I have said before my life gets pretty busy around the winter holidays (they a big deal in my family) and to boot I've got my adorable Finnish cousins visiting to add to the fun, so I may not be updating as much, which is why I will try to get at least this fic done in the next few days... Thanks to all who habe read, reviewed favorited and followed so far, and please continue to do so...

_Dear Skye, _

_I finally told her. I finally told doctor Collins about the team about you. It was so hard, and I was hesitant at first. She waited patiently telling me to take my time. I really didn't want to, but I figured the longer I pushed it off the harder it would get to talk about it. So I told her everything. How I was a spy sent in by Garret, to try and find out how he came back from the dead. I told her how I started out hating the team and having no trouble at all being a Hydra mole that is until you showed up into the picture. You threw a wrench into the works. I told her how I slowly,but surely started to fall for you, and how I screwed everything up by betraying you... I was crying by the end. i was embarrassed, after all showing emotions are a weakness. i told her that, she said I had no need to be embarrassed and that showing emotions are not a weakness as Garret led me to believe, emotions make us human..._

_Ward_

_Dear Skye_

_They are transferring me somewhere else today, I'm not sure where, they won't tell me obviously, but I have a hunch... They also say I won't be seeing much of Doctor Collins much anymore..._

_Ward_

_Dear Skye,_

_I was right they are transporting me to where the team is to where you are, oh why..._

_Ward_

_Dear Skye,_

_I am not where you and the rest of the team are , but you probably already know that.. They had to keep me in the holding place in between wherever you are and that old prison cell because I..., because I tempted to kill myself... Without the guidance of Doctor Collins I have fell into the darkness again, and I don't think I will escape this time. That is why I tried to end my life, how could I go back and face the team I had betrayed, the psychological torture it would put me through... So I took a button off the back of my pants and used it to try and kill myself, when that didn't work I tried running at the walls... But it was to no avail... They are keeping me here till they are sure I won't try it again..._

_Dear Skye,_

_I am finally here, where you are, here comes Coulson to talk to me..._

_Ward_

_Dear Skye,_

_i finally got to see you, and your just as beautiful as I remembered, but your different you've changed, most likely to do to what I have done to you, I broke you... And it's probably a bit of May's training that has made you so hard and cold (not unlike may herself) I miss the old Skye, My rookie who would crack jokes, eat junk food , play board games , pull pranks, and always have a smile for you... I will try and help you anyway I can, by giving you information both on Hydra and on your father..._

_Ward_

_Dear Skye,_

_I meant what I said, I'll take you to your father, when you are ready..._

_Ward_

_Dear Skye,_

_I gave you all the information on your father, and now I am being sent to my brother Christen to be put on trial(I know I will be executed so whats the point of the trial) please know that I do not blame you for this, I know it was Coulson's decision, though I don't blame him either, I deserve this.. Please believe me when I say you can not trust my brother, he is worse the I am... He'll act all nice and friendly and welcoming at first and then turn the tables on you, please stay away from him at all costs... The next letter will be the last one, or letters I should say, I am going to write a letter to everyone on the team, even though you will never read them, It's just my way of letting go, I have to take Dr. Collins advice and finally let go before I am killed and I think this is the perfect way to do it..._

_Ward_

AN sorry for the second authors note but, obviously in this fic Ward did not use paper to try and kill himself, otherwise he couldn't continue to write these "letters". (Talking about the suicide attempts was suggested by the fabulous druss deathwalker ) the next chapter will be his letters to the rest of the team, and the chapter after will be his final letter to Skye (yep that one needs it's own chapter and be prepared to cry, I have had the final letter planned out for a while!) so I hope you continue to read and review.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer I do not own M.a.o.s

AN so this is probably the last thing you need right now after the midseason final(which was both amazing as well as heartbreaking), but I have decided to write it anyway. (I'm evil that way...) Originally I wasn't going to write a "letter" to Tripp seeing as they never had much interaction in the show..but in light of certain events I changed my mind(R.I.P Tripp ?) oh and I am still a strong Skyeward shipper, so no worries their my fellow shippers...(they are finally even now, and can work on forgiving one another) as always please continue to read and review...

_Dear Tripp,_

_I never spent much time with you, but I thought I would take the time to write to you. You are such an incredibly strong man, and I don't just mean physically, you also trained under Garret and yet unlike me you were able to see the error of his ways and join the right side... I wish I had been as smart as you and not blindly followed Garret... I am truly sorry for betraying you and the team. I know I shouldn't be asking you to do anything, but please please watch over the team... especially Skye. Just take care of them. I wish I would've had more time to get to know you, you seem like a fine man, perhaps we could have been friends if I hadn't betrayed the team... Wishing you well_

_Grant Ward_

_Dear Melinda May,_

_I know I am the last person you want to hear from(if our last "interaction" was any indication), but I needed to write this to let go before I am executed. I know you won't believe me when I tell you this, but I am sorry I manipulated you, that I slept with you in order to gain your trust. Over the time we spent together I learned to respect you, and I really do mean that. You are truly an amazing person. I never thought I would meet someone who could best me in combat, but you proved me wrong... I fear for anyone who thinks they can take you on. (They will find out it's the biggest mistake of their life fairly quickly...) not only do I respect your incredible fighting skills, but I admire your demeanor as well. Your ability to stay calm and collected in almost every situation is something to be valued. I called you the "ice queen" and well that was out of place, and I am sorry, I know that deep down you do have those things called emotions... You are a beautiful women and I truly mean that, I may not have loved you in the same way I loved Skye, but I am truly grateful for your companionship and the short time I got to spend with you. I must thank you for becoming Skye's S.O. since I horribly failed at the job. I know if anyone is able to train her for what lies ahead it's you, you have already done a fantastic job.. Watch over the team, heaven knows they need your abilities and skill set if you have any hope of winning this battle. I hope you and the rest of shield will win the battle... take care of yourself as well Melinda, your undying loyalty and dedication to Coulson and the team is respectable, but don't forget that you need time to recover and take care of yourself as well... Goodbye Melinda and may you continue to be the amazing, talented person I know you are._

_Grant Ward _

_Dear Phil Coulson,_

_I can never express in words how sorry I am. There have been so many times where I have wished I could go back in time and tell you about Garret and Hydra, before everything got out of hand. I know you still would have been mad at me for infiltrating the team, but had I told you early on I could have had a chance to start working for the right side and assist you in taking down Hydra. I had always thought of Garret as my savior, my father-figure who pulled me out of a living hell, but I was wrong. You were so much more of a good father-figure then Garret was. I guess I realized that too late. I truly do see you as a father-figure. You were the first man to show me any kindness and respect. I must thank you for that, for trusting in me and believing in me. Well before I betrayed you and the team. I respect you, you are one of the greatest men I have ever met, if not the greatest. My whole life I have been taking orders whether from my parents, my brother, Garret. When I didn't follow those orders I was severely punished usually in the form of beatings. You were the first not to beat me when I didn't exactly follow through. The first to show me that failure doesn't always mean punishment. Rania once told me that after all you had done for me, all you had done for the team, that I owed you something and much as I hate to agree with Rania, I think she was right, I always thought I owed my life to Garret. That he saved me, but he was just using me for his own personal selfish reasons. He twisted and manipulated me into what he wanted me to be and because of my blind loyalty I thought I owed him a debt. When I really owed one to you, after all if you had never accepted me on your team, I never would have gotten the chance to see what it is like to be a part of a real family, what it was like to have a loving and caring father who despite his trying his hardest can never stay mad at his children.(unless they turn out to be a backstabbing traitor working for Hydra) I thank you for that, for showing me what it means to be part of a team, to be part of a family,even if it was only for a little while. Beware of my brother Christian he is even more manipulative then I am. More importantly be weary of Whitehall, he's delusional and will stop at nothing to get what he wants. I know killing isn't shield's usual protocol, but Whitehall needs to be put down at all costs. Keep the team safe, they need someone like you to guide them. If anyone can restore shield to it's former glory it's you. I was never loyal to Hydra, only to Garret, so please take those bastards out. Watch over Skye, I know you see her as your daughter, and she needs that guidance in her life. If at all possible, take her to her real father, it's all she's ever wanted to meet her parents even though she tries to denies it now. He may seem like a monster, but please do it for Skye. ( even though I am sure she sees you as more of her father then him) Thank you for everything you taught me, and for the chance you offered me to be on the team even though it didn't go according to plan. Rebuild Shield, take down Hydra and bring good back into this world heaven knows we need it._

_Grant Ward_

_Dear Jemma Simmons,_

_You have every right to hate me. I nearly killed you and Fitz. I want to tell you how sorry I am even if you don't believe me. That pod was supposed to float. I was trying to save you and Fitz, I was trying to give you your best shot. You and Fitz are two of the smartest people I have had the honor of ever knowing. I knew if I gave you the chance you would find a way out, if only I had known the cost. I know everyone is worried about Fitz, and they have every right to be, he was in a coma, but they should be worried about you as well. I know it was emotionally, and mentally scaring for you. You must have gone through hell waiting for your best friend to wake up, not to mention the nightmares you probably had and are still having. Please promise me you'll look after yourself, if not for me then for Fitz and Skye I know that they care about you. It's true that I was a spy, a Hydra mole, a man simply putting on an act, but believe me when I say that I really did admire your bravery when you jumped out of the plane. It was without a doubt one of the most selfless, brave act I have ever seen. Remember that you are strong, you may not have the fighting skills of May, but you are incredibly strong in your own way. Never forget that. When we first met I could hardly understand what you were saying what with all your science jargon, but as time passed I came to view you as my little sister. My little sister who knows way more about science and technology then I ever could. my little sister who puts everybody to shame when it comes to playing little sister who's always taking care of me. Thank you so much for tending to my wounds and patching me up. I'm not sure how long I would have lasted without your caring hands and your demands to patch me up despite my constant protests that I was fine. You have the potential to be amazing, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Don't shut the world out, rely on your teammates you need them and they need you. I hope you can find happiness again one day after all you have been through. Take care of yourself sis..._

_Grant Ward_

_Dear Leo Fitz,_

_ Not in a million years, would I ever be able to make up for what I have done to you. I am so sorry. The physical, mental and emotional pain I put you through must have been unbearable. i never viewed myself as an abuser, I always thought that was my older brother Christian, my parents and (just recently) Garret, but it turns out that I am just as bad as they were. No one should've had to suffer through what you had to, what your still suffering through. You are completely selfless and courageous risking your life to save Jemma, you unlike me are a good man. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you are a burden, or dead weight on the team. You are just as important as any of them, they need you. Keep trying and don't give up and I know one day you'll be just as smart as before. Over the course of time we spent together I came to view you as a little brother. There are so many ways in which you remind me of my younger brother Thomas. I still remember our mission together, A mission on which I seriously misjudged you. I thought you would panic and be frightened, but you were just as calm and brave as I was. That mission is something I will always cherish as it is when I started to view you as a younger brother. I am sorry I threw out your sandwich, I know you were looking forward to eating it. Thank you so much for having so much faith in me, even though by now it is all gone. You were right I do care about you, I thought it was a weakness back then, only now do I realize it was a strength. Please do not feel guilty about cutting off my air supply, after what I put you through I deserved it, thank you also for allowing me to live, when I know you could have easily let me die. Keep working at winning Jemma's heart, I know that things are terrible right now, but keep working at it, I know eventually you'll win her over, My little brother deserves love and happiness. Take care of yourself and remember you are a part of the team_

_Grant Ward _


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer I do not own M.a.o.s

AN so I am done with my fall semester at college(yay!) which means the holiday season is rapidly approaching, seeing as how I will most likely be spending a lot of time at my grandmas(who as I have said before has terrible wifi,) I may not be posting as much this month... I will definitely be finishing this story though, just one more chapter after this, I will try to update my other stories as well and perhaps start a new one, we shall see until then please continue to read and review (warning author cried writing this chapter, you have been warned...)

_My dearest Skye, _

_This will be the last letter I ever write, to you, to any one. I met with Doctor Collins one last time, she told me that at least these last six letters would be delivered, but I don't believe her. These letters were nothing more then a coping mechanism. A way to let go, and with me standing at death's door I thought it was finally time to let go. Dr. Collins has tears in her eyes I'm not sure why, why should anyone cry for me, my death won't be morned by anyone, in fact it will be a blessing to the world, and so it is with a heavy heart that I Write this last letter to you, seems like the perfect one to end on... From the moment I met you, the moment I pulled open that door and set my eyes on you I felt a spark. You certainly weren't who I was expect I was expecting the stereotypical wizard of oz scenario, where it turns out it's just a frightened little man with smoke and mirrors. Never in a million years did I expect it to be a beautiful women. Yes I said beautiful. You are with out a doubt the most beautiful woman I have ever met in fact your gorgeous. The way your hair falls in waves to your shoulders, your soft checks, that beautiful body, the million watt smile and of course your eyes those beautiful, beautiful brown doe eyes that always carried a sparkle. When Coulson brought you in I found you annoying, troublesome, and yet I couldn't deny that there was an attraction, some part of me that gravitated towards you. The "spark" I mentioned earlier only continued to grow when I became your S.O. The first time we touched, it was like a volt of electricity was sent through me, but it was pleasant, surprisingly warm and welcoming. Still you weren't the typical well- trained shield agent. Coulson asked that I try treating you like a person, so I decided to take his advise. When you opened up to me about your past, about how no one seemed to want you, and how much you wanted that family the Brody's to like you, it made me sad. I didn't know why but it did. It also made me somewhat angry knowing all these people had turned you away had abandoned you. It was then I started to see you in different light, as I know what it felt like to feel unloved to feel unwanted. I wanted to get to know you better, to be your friend. I started to realize how much I liked having you around, how much joy your smile brought me. I was secretly proud of you when you beat me at battle the whole "Miles" incident happened. I was so hurt, not just because you had betrayed the team, but because you had chosen him, and for the first time in my life I experienced something I never thought I would jealousy, I was jealous of Miles. I questioned this as I had no reason to be jealous, you were just some annoying little hacker off the streets, and yet as much as I tried to deny it I was jealous. After that you tried so hard to gain back my trust and loyalty, and I kept pushing you away, it broke my heart to see you so sad, but I was still hurt by your betrayal. I was surprised when you saved me and Fitz on our mission together, after all I was still mad at you. You saved me and Fitz because that's just who you are. When I came in contact with the "Berserker staff" you were the one to pull me from the midst, and I snapped at you, you don't know how much I regret that. When I came in contact with it again, you were once again the one to save me from it, and when I had the chance to make it up to you, that night in Dublin... I didn't you offered me your shoulder to cry on, and I turned you down in favor of May. If only I had chosen differently. I thought being in a relationship with May, would keep me from thinking of you, that I could move past the confusing feelings I was begging to have for you, and for a moment I thought it would work, and then Ian Quinn shot you and I realized how much I cared about you how much you meant to me, that while I had tried to suppress the feelings they had only grown stronger. It was like the world was being ripped out from under my feet, and I realized how dark the world would be without you there, thinking you were dead before I could tell you how I really felt was one of the worst feelings I have ever had. I was furious at Garret, and for the first time in my life I questioned why I followed him, if only that had been enough... And then Coulson saved you and I felt like a kid on Christmas morning, then Loreli came, she corrupted me, after that whole fiasco, May confronted me breaking our relationship off and saying I was more honest with Loreli then myself, I knew by then I could no longer deny it I had fallen for you. That is why I shot Thomas Nash, he threatened you, and I couldn't live through you dying again. I was ready to tell you how I really felt and then the whole Hydra reveal happened, and I knew our chances of being together were slim, it was now or never that I told you how I felt , I chickened out and asked if you wanted to get drinks, and then you kissed me... It was one of the greatest moments of my life, something I had dreamed of for a long time, and then at Providence when I told you about my past, and you told me I was a good man, I couldn't help but kiss you, you're so good, so pure, and the fact you saw me as a good man, when I wasn't... And then I lost you, and losing you was almost worse then you dying. Now I am to be executed and so I'll leave you with my last words you were my light in the darkness, the one thing in my miserable life that brought me joy. You were the first person to ever show me kindness, compassion. The first person to make me smile, to make me first person to give me a gentle, caring touch and not a harsh one. There are so many things I will miss about you your beauty, your smile, that sparkle in you eyes your laugh, your caring, nature, your ability to see good in others. I'll miss your jokes, the way you use to beat me in battleship, all the nicknames you had for me. I'll miss the touch of your hands, the feeling of you pressed up against me as we trainied, your bright eyed optimism for the world, your happiness, you geeking out over the avengers. I'll miss the way you use to say my name. Please take care of yourself, don't do something foolish, and get yourself killed. Look after Fitzsimmons they need you after all they have been through. Watch over May and Coulson as well. I am so incredibly proud of you, of how far you have come. Please try and find to find someone who makes you happy, someone who's good for you, who can help make you a better person. Don't let me hold you back from finding happiness and love. I wish I could change the course of events, so we could be together, we could have had such a beautiful future together.. No doubt my last thoughts will be of you. I love you, I love you with all my heart, with every fiber of my being. You are the first person I have ever loved, the only person I will ever love. I love you, I love you, I love you._

_All my love, _

_Grant Douglus Ward_


	11. Epilogue

Disclaimer I do not own M.a.o.s

Tears streamed down Skye's face as she finished reading the last letter. Her body shook with sobs as she collapsed on her bed, she hadn't expected the letters to effect her this much, but they had... and she knew it was because deep down she still loved Grant Ward, despite his betrayal, in fact she had never stopped loving him "_someday you'll understand..." _His words came floating back to her, and it just made everything worse because she finally did understand the letters had explained everything, all the pain and torment he had endured through his life, she had learned things about his life she never knew, "_someday, you'll understand." _She finally did understand, but now it was to late, he was gone, his brother had carried out the execution, and it was her fault, well not entirely, it had been Coulson's decision to send him to his brother, but she had done nothing to stop him, just sat idly by as they escorted him out of the playground... and now he was gone, she continued crying, she had finally reached her breaking point, this was the straw that broke the camels back, she felt so alone and isolated as she continued to cry her heart out until exhaustion over took her and she fell in to an uneasy sleep...

When she woke up it was dark in her room, must have been nighttime. In the dim light she could make out a package at the foot of her bed. Curious she turned on the bedside lamp and picked up the box, there was a note on top

"_Almost forgot to give this to you, didn't want to wake you, take care _

_Dr. Collins_

She opened the package to reveal another note

_To Skye,_

_Dr. Collins promised me she would give this to you, I highly doubt that is true, still the thought alone is nice... I hope you like it._

_Love Grant Ward_

Inside the box was a simple silver chained necklace, from which an oval locket hung, she opened the clasp, the side that was meant for a picture was empty however on the other side was an inscription

_Skye,_

_My light,_

_My life,_

_My love_

_G.W._

Tears formed in her eyes once more as she shut the locket and placed it around her neck...

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

Every year on the anniversary of his death she visited his grave sight. Every year she reread the letters, the letters that were hardly legible due to the tear stains, the crumples, and the rips not that it mattered she had long since memorized each and everyone of them, but she read them anyways, for sentimental reasons. She kept the letters in a box . The box held other things as well, _a dog eared copy of Matterhorn, a small plush chocolate labrador, his jacket that she would wear when she was cold, or when she missed him, his shield badge, pieces to a game of battleship, and of course pictures, pictures of a happier time..._ The necklace he had given her almost never came off, she had since put a picture of them inside a picture taken before the whole Hydra fiasco. The necklace had long ago lost it's sheen, due to her frequent rubbing of it when she was nervous or whenever she missed him. she never got married, or had a serious relationship, she had tried dating, but it was too hard because she knew deep down she would always love Grant, and no one could take his place in her heart...

It began to rain, indicating it was time for her to go, she looked back at the grave stone and whispered "Good bye Grant, I love you too."

AN and thats a wrap... My dear readers as you may have noticed, as I am sure you have being the intelligent readers I know you are, the story is marked as incomplete, as I am a sap for happy endings... (I blame it on watching disney movies growing up...) and also due to the encouragement and help of serenity shadowstar I am going to write an "alternate ending" so if you want the story to end here, then here is were it will end,(and this technically is the end as like I said it will be an alternate ending) but for all those who are like me you can read on ahead to the alternate ending which will have a much happier ending. Thanks to all who have favorited, followed reviewed or even just read.


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